


More Practical

by Akallabeth



Category: Girl Genius
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-17
Updated: 2014-12-17
Packaged: 2018-03-01 21:38:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2788622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akallabeth/pseuds/Akallabeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Agatha is The Heterodyne, both of her potential boyfriends are in town, and The Castle is being itself.</p>
<p>A short one-shot set in a post-time-stop Mechanicsburg.  Canon compliant as of 12/15/14.</p>
            </blockquote>





	More Practical

“But, Mistress”, Castle Heterodyne insisted, “while I am _very pleased_ that you've come around to my way of thinking on the importance of heirs, it is _traditional_ for suitors to compete in contests of strength, skill, and stamina before receiving offers of marriage from a Heterodyne.”

Agatha sighed. The Castle could be very persistent in its entreaties, and this argument (in a few different forms) had already taken up enough of her week. 

“For the last time—who I choose to marry is _my_ decision—not yours, not the Baron's, not the Council's, and not the Fifty Families'. And I don't want any more armies, combat champions, or piles of body parts showing up because someone's trying to influence me, or impress me, or because you think I should demand such things. Understood?”

“Mistress--”

“Heterodyne!” 

The Castle made an unhappy noise—a sort of mechanical sigh which conveyed it being simultaneously annoyed, disappointed, and disapproving. “Very well. Just one little contest, perhaps? To keep your suitors on their toes?”

“Fine”, she snapped. “Bring them here.”

Despite being in opposite ends of Mechanicsburg at the time of this pronouncement (Gil browsing through a parts store in Snail Lane, Tarvek taking coffee with Vanamonde Von Mekkan), both young men found themselves at Agatha's feet—quite literally—some fifty-seven seconds later. The castle was fond of its trap doors that way, especially when dropping unsuspecting persons into the master's presence.

_I might as well put on a show,_ Agatha thought. “In accordance with the traditions of Mechanicsburg and the House of Heterodyne”, she proclaimed theatrically, “I demand that you demonstrate the strength of your sparks of your suits in a contest of innovation. Make me a death ray concealed within a ring. May the best spark win.”

The Castle apparently found this sufficient, as it decided to complete the effect by raising the floor underneath Agatha like an elevator. When the ceiling had snapped shut again with a dramatic “Boom”, Gil turned to Tarvek.

“She's going to win, isn't she?”  
Tarvek had removed his crooked pince nez and was wiping them with a handkerchief.  
“Undoubtedly, old man.”  
“Castle, did you put her up to this?”  
“Perhaps”, it equivocated, “but in all fairness, young sirs, I meant it to be a contest between the two of you.”  
“And you only figured it out when...?”  
“Her first prototype just took out the western promenade”, the Castle managed to sound both peeved and worried. “Do please hurry.”

 

The next evening found them all gathered in the Castle's smaller shooting gallery (“There are only three of you, after all”), for Agatha to judge the results. Tarvek presented her with a delicate silver band, elegantly scrolled, and set with what appeared to be three small green gems. 

“Power supplies”, he muttered to Gil, in response to the murderous glare.

Gil's design took the form of a large trilobite signet ring, the device concealed within.

Agatha inspected each one, her serious demeanor lasting all of ten seconds before dissolving into girlish excitement over the engineering. 

By time she got to the actual target shooting, the boys were equally giddy. Twelve targets, seven trophies, and one suit of armor later, the Castle suggested that possibly enough data had been collected and 'would my lady and her paramours prefer to continue the discussion somewhere more suitable?'.

“If you try to lock us in the master bedroom again--”, Agatha threatened.  
“Or the seraglio--” Gil added.  
“Or that absurd mock-dungeon--”, said Tarvek.  
“Wait, what?”, Gil looked confused.  
“Don't. Just don't”, Tarvek tried to hide his furious blush by burying his face in his hands.  
“--Put us somewhere reasonable, or I will replace all your weather vanes with clotheslines.”

The threat apparently worked, as the trio found themselves in the green sitting room (Agatha's favorite for both the color and relative lack of skulls).

“My initial verdict is that Gil's ring has superior range, while Tarvek's has more precise aim.”

“Wait, didn't you make a death ray ring, as well?” asked Gil.

“Well, no, not quite...”

The young men exchanged confused looks. _Worried_ confused looks.

“Actually, I made two”. She produced from a pocket two small boxes, and handed them each one. Inside were men's rings: plain, substantial bands of gold with an single etched design at center—the Wulfenbach winged rook on one, Sturmvoraus's sword and gear on the other.

“I think we need to have a talk”, she continued. “But first, the sigil is the trigger, use three quick taps to turn it on, then a single one to shoot. They also unfold into lock picks...”

**Author's Note:**

> Girl Genius characters, etc., are the property of The Most Esteemed Professors Foglio. This is a fan work offered in a spirit of homage rather than infringement. 
> 
> The title, of course, is a reference to the [10/28/05 comic.](http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20051028#.VJFGGCvF-AU) RIP Lars.


End file.
